Avoidance, Relief, Remorse and Togetherness
by CassidyTVNut
Summary: Sequel to Emotions, but you don't need to read that to get this fic....Jac/Joseph....COMPLETE
1. Avoidance

Avoidance, Relief, Remorse & Togetherness

**Sequel to Emotions, but you don't need to read it to know what's going on.**

**Jac/Joseph**

**Once again I own nothing!**

Chapter 1: Avoidance

After my depressing night with the radio and a bottle of wine, I reluctantly trudged into work once more.

Once again, I would have to work with Joseph.

Once again, I would have to bear it as he avoids me and looks at me in disgust.

He really hates me, and it breaks my heart.

I pray every night before I go to bed that he still had feelings for me, that his disgust is hurt and his avoidance is trying to be faithful to his wife.

But I might be wrong.

He might just think that I'm a manipulative bitch who uses sex to further her career.

I am, well I used to be.

Seeing how I hurt him, how him being hurt also hurt me.

I could never do anything like that again, especially not to him.

I've never believed in soul mates, but with Joe, it's so real, it's love in its rawest form.

I got into the car, on auto pilot started to drive in the normal routine I had adopted in the last 4 years.

Automatically, I turned on the radio.

_**Some say love it is a river  
That drowns the tender reed.  
Some say love it is a razor  
That leaves your soul to bleed.**_

Some say love it is a hunger  
An endless, aching need  
I say love it is a flower,  
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking  
That never learns to dance  
It's the dream afraid of waking  
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,  
Who cannot seem to give  
And the soul afraid of dying  
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely  
And the road has been too long.  
And you think that love is only  
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter  
Far beneath the bitter snow  
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,  
In the spring, becomes the rose.

Ha, she thought to herself.

Love is indeed a razor.

I've been cut up so badly I'm surprised I'm still in one piece.

Well, it's summer now, and I'm no close to my love, the one that will complete me, make me a better person.

Another song came on as I drove in my semi-hypnotic state.

_**Mmmm mmm yeah  
Do do do do do do do-do  
Ohh Yeah**_

Gotta change my answering machine  
Now that I'm alone  
Cuz right now it says that we  
Can't come to the phone  
And I know it makes no sense  
Cuz you walked out the door  
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore  
(it's ridiculous)  
It's been months  
And for some reason I just  
(can't get over us)  
And I'm stronger than this  
(enough is enough)  
No more walkin round  
With my head down  
I'm so over being blue  
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have  
That's marked July 15th  
Because since there's no more you  
There's no more anniversary  
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you  
And your memory  
And how every song reminds me  
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)  
Leave me alone  
(Stupid love songs)  
Dont make me think about her smile  
Or having my first child  
I'm letting go  
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing she was still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing she was still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishin' you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
Why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)  
Why can't I turn off the radio?

I snapped out of my almost trance like state.

What is it today with this stupid radio?

Is it national 'play songs that remind Jac of the love of her life making her even more depressed than she already is?' day?

Apparently it was.

I turned the radio off and carried on driving.

Eventually, I made it into work.

I'd made a special effort today.

I wore the blouse he always had said when we were together that it was his favourite.

He used to always say it matched my eyes.

It was a subtle olive green but didn't clash too badly with my hair.

I even wore less make up, he always said I never needed it.

He made me feel beautiful.

I went to the nurse's station on Darwin and grabbed some files.

I wandered aimlessly around cubicles doing patient rounds.

It was the usual, chest pains, heart transplant, breathing issues.

Then I saw him.

He walked past me, holding hands with Faye.

They stopped at the nurse's station and kissed.

My stomach flipped in anger, my mind pent up with jealousy.

Oh, how I wanted to be in her position.

He came over to me to see how the patient was doing.

He gave me his infamous look of contempt as I suggested a better idea than the one he had.

Then the words that came out of his mouth, I'll never forget.

'Just because we were once together, how foolish I was to actually feel for you, doesn't give you the authority to interfere on my patients.'

Upset how the man I love treated me, I calmly walked away.

Once out of sight, I ran to the toilets, locked myself in a cubicle and cried.

Joseph Charles Mortimer Byrne obviously did not love me anymore.

And after the way he had just spoken to me, my feelings were in doubt too.


	2. Relief

Avoidance, Relief, Remorse & Togetherness

**Sequel to Emotions, but you don't need to read it to know what's going on.**

**Jac/Joseph**

**Once again I own nothing!**

Chapter 2: Relief.

It was another day that Jac was not looking forward to, another day watching Joseph in Faye's arms.

But somehow it had been different for a while.

They didn't walk in together hand in hand, overdosing on the public displays of affection to rub my nose in it.

They walked in separately, 15 minutes apart and barely spoke.

I thought, this is a bit strange.

So I went to the stairs and looked through the window.

I saw both Faye's and Joseph's car.

They live together, why take 2 cars?

Unless they've had an argument?

No, I told myself firmly.

Let him come to you, he's going to need someone to talk to it about, just be there for him. If he wants you, he'll come to you, don't push it.

It was my turn that day to hand out the post.

It's a meagre job, but someone has to do it.

Yet again, Connie had the most, but I saw a letter nestled in the pile addressed to Joseph. It had the address of a lawyer in the city.

Curious, I went and gave it to him.

He didn't look surprised at the letter.

'I was expecting this to come,' he said.

'I hate to be nosy, and tell me to mind my own if you like, but what is this about?'

'Faye and I have had a major difference, so we're divorcing.'

'It can't be that much of a major difference Joseph. You should do all you can to make your marriage work.'

'It can't work Jac. I thought I was ok with not having children, I thought Faye and Archie would be ok for me. But I want a baby so much Jac, I want a family, and Faye doesn't. I thought that my love would convince me to stay, but the need is too strong.'

'I feel for you, I really do, you deserve a woman you love with all your heart and can give you everything you want.'


	3. Remorse

Avoidance, Relief, Remorse & Togetherness

**Sequel to Emotions, but you don't need to read it to know what's going on.**

**Jac/Joseph**

**Once again I own nothing!**

'_It can't work Jac. I thought I was ok with not having children, I thought Faye and Archie would be ok for me. But I want a baby so much Jac, I want a family, and Faye doesn't. I thought that my love would convince me to stay, but the need is too strong.'_

'_I feel for you, I really do, you deserve a woman you love with all your heart and can give you everything you want.' _

'But who will love me Jac? I'm an obsessive neurotic surgeon who jumps to conclusions and has trouble forging relationships. I'm damaged Jac, and I have so much baggage weighing me down. No one will want me,' replied Joseph, the look on his face bleak, like he'd given up completely.

'Joe,' I whispered, using the shortened version of his name. 'I love you. I always have, and I always will. You don't need to worry about not being loved, because I will love you until my dying day. I mean, look at you. You're gorgeous, you're sensitive, you're caring and you understand me better than anyone. You're the only person I've ever let into my heart fully.'

He just stood there, quiet, as if he wanted me to carry on. So I did.

'God knows I've done so many things to hurt you, but I want you to know, right here, right now, that if I could take back everything I did to hurt you, if I could change time, you know I would Joe! All I did was think about myself back then, I never thought to consider you in all of this. But I've seen the error of my ways. I saw you as a way to advance myself, I won't deny that; but I had no idea that I'd fall in love with you and you'd change me so much! And it's all for the better. I want marriage, I want children, I want you Joe so desperately. You're like my drug, my air, my love and my life and I can't believe that I was ever such a bitch to you,' I practically shouted back.

'Don't you dare,' he said. 'Don't you dare put yourself down like that. You are such an amazing woman, all I can fault you on is taking your ambition too far. I won't lie, I hated you for what you did to me. I resented you every day of my life. But when I saw you hold baby Joe, I saw that other side to you. I wondered why I didn't scoop you up and kiss you right then, saying I'm sorry for everything, saying that I love you and want a family with you. It's you Jac, you're the missing piece of my puzzle.'

He took me in his arms, and kissed me so softly, so tenderly, but with a passion that left me hungry for me.

'Take me home,' I whispered, snuggling into his chest, wanting to make him mine again.


	4. Togetherness

Avoidance, Relief, Remorse & Togetherness

**Sequel to Emotions, but you don't need to read it to know what's going on.**

**Jac/Joseph**

**Once again I own nothing!**

Chapter 4: Togetherness

It had been 5 years since Joe and I proclaimed our love to each other.

That night, he took me home, and I made him mine again.

5 years on, we're still deliriously happy.

At first, Joe's Mum and Sister resented our relationship, but I think they came round when they saw how in love we were.

A lot has happened since then.

3 months into our newly discovered relationship, we discovered that I was pregnant.

We got married soon after, in a quiet beach wedding in Fiji.

The only people there were Elliot and Connie as friends of ours and Anne Marie and Sophie, as Joe's Mum and sister.

And you know what?

It was the greatest wedding I could've ever dreamed of.

It was small, intimate and romantic...I loved it so much because I found big weddings very OTT and complicated, I loved that it was so simple.

6 months after our wedding, I gave birth to Harry Elliot Joseph Byrne.

He was perfect, with 2 little hands, 2 little feet, 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.

He wrinkles his nose like Joseph, and is a pure angel.

He barely ever cries full on, he just kind of whimpers.

Joe was convinced he was going to be a Mummy's Boy.

When Harry was 8 months old, we found out that I was pregnant yet again.

Cameron Robert Jack Byrne made his grand entrance 8 months later, in the hospital car park.

2 years later, I was expecting again, this time twin girls.

We named them Charlotte Erin Paige Byrne and Bethany Ava Phoebe Byrne.

I am the happiest, most content woman in the world.

I have 4 beautiful children and a loving husband, all of whom I would die for if need be.

They're my life, and I'll never forget what I had to go through to have them in my life.


End file.
